Madrid, Spain: Navigation, Subway Saves and Time Problems
This is CompassChaos13: A Real Travel Podcast where Compass Plans, Chaos Rules - Connections Happen Memories of Global Adventures
HEATHER (V.O.): I’m Heather, your adventure narrator and warm body for the hosts for this flying circus.
Today, we’re literally getting lost and off the tourist map in Madrid with Our Mom.
COMPASS: It started with booking a Collette Guided Tour
CHAOS: it ended with being the last ones to the Introduction meeting at the start of the tour…
HEATHER (V.O.): Before we depart on this adventure, a few safety checks. First: any brand we mention is one we actually use and trust. We get zero monetary gain for these—if that ever changes, we promise total transparency. Second: this flight is for adults only. Expect questionable language and emotional turbulence. Finally, there are no warnings when the unexpected happens, because there are no warnings in real life…
HEATHER (V.O.): Now, let’s Meet your dueling hosts: Compass, the one who plans—and Chaos, the one who burns them. Together, they find the magic in the mess.
COMPASS (V.O.): I’m Compass. My plan is to experience the top tourist things. But, as usual, my head-space companion Chaos has other plans.
CHAOS: Hey Hey Chaos here! I am the patron saint of "we’ll figure it out,". I bring the unexpected, and the reason you want to hear travel tales.. that are actually worth listening to!
COMPASS (V.O.): Together, we bring the connection.
HEATHER (V.O.): Sit back, relax, and push that follow button……
CHAOS: "So, buckle up buttercups, for this recent tale of lost in Madrid……, because honestly the best stories aren't planned."
Compass: This memory is from November of 2019 on Collette Vacations Spain & Morocco guided tour with our mom.
Chaos: Naturally we couldn't just get off the plane and it be the first day of a tour, a cruise.. anything real we always need at least one….. come kin we have said this so much you should hear one of our voices in your head screaming: PRE NIGHT!! If it's my voice Love You!!
Compass: So crass…
Chaos: Am I wrong?
Compass: 5th…
Chaos: thought so
Compass: Arriving the night before the tour we had the day we landed to explore and then another full day before having to meet the whole group for the introduction meeting. This particular memory is from the day we are to meet the group at 6pm for a Welcome meeting.
Chaos: After landing we dropped our bags and headed out into the city on our own. No sideways plans, nothing derailed, it was unmemorable for me. Except the San Miguel Market or Mercado de San Miguel. One of the oldest street food markets in Madrid… oldest covered market. That place is high energy, people and not an empty seat in the place… so take your food and drink outside to the stoop.
But the next day…. Well the universe extends me an olive branch. I took it and started swinging for the fences.
Compass: the only thing, we had to find that remained of what I required to experience, Temple Debod… but that was hard from the universe to me.
Chaos: It wasn't for lack of trying. The hotel upon arrival offered a tourist map of the city. Mom took it cause it's always a good idea to have backup…. Oh mommy
Compass: Most of the time she would be correct in that assessment. Only this time
Chaos: That map only helps when you stay within the confines of the tourist map…. Once you step out… you're on your own. Just they way I like it
Compass: Just us is fine… you know our mom… you know she has anxiety and is not one to have no plan..
Chaos: So you…
Compass: In a certain sense yes…
Chaos: that explains why I fight you so much… authority figure projection.
Compass: That is not a sycosis… jackass. Let's get back to the memory.. this is another short one so I'm going to try to keep it that way. You already have your long winded episodes in for the first half of the year.
Chaos: With that on record, now that it is July, the second half of the year I have more!! Let's see what are some real good ones..
Compass: hello… Chaos..
Heather: I think she just checked out. Probably should have used better language. First half… you left the door open just enough. You out of everyone should know better than that Compass.
Compass: I know Heather… I am much better than that. But silver lining.. it's quiet.
Heather: That is true.
Chaos: Hey I can hear you… it's there a memory that Compass wants to finish?
Compass: Oh she is really leaning into this second half thing.
Heather: Yeah…. I'm relying on you Compass to edit anything that she writes..
Chaos: (laughing) write… cute!! You both know it's scripted abbreviated unknown letters that are thrown together with no details only main memories. Best of luck to you as always Compass and you Heather for trying to help later.
Compass: okay… let's ALL refocus.
Chaos: Back in Madrid we were up at 6am breakfast was done by 730 and our hooves
Compass: Feet… we are not on the tour yet
Chaos: So you do agree it's like herding cattle…
Compass: I would go with herding kittens…
Chaos: didn't one of our group leaders put that in our head, a pastor I believe… Pastor Dave.. yes I remember.. (giggles) He was great!! I do miss working with our groups from the Midwest, they got me!
Compass: I miss them as well but for other reasons. Can we please get back to the freaking memory for Goddess' sake.
Chaos: Okay… Okay… don’t have an aneurysm. Out of our hotel by 8am, our due back time 6pm for the Welcome Meeting. Da Da Daaa Here the universe come to wreck Compass’ day. She had a plan we had the blue dot….(giggles) or so we thought…
Compass: Before going to bed the night before Heather had not charged her phone, so between google blue dot game and taking pictures there wasn’t much time to find the Temple.
Chaos: (giggles) there were so many wrong turns and back tracks…..Compass was getting pissed, and mom was looking at the buildings lined along all the different streets we walked. We managed to get to the 9th Century Moorish Walls which we spent some time exploring, since the walls and the towers were like others across Europe absorbed into ever expanding of the city itself.
Compass: While we could have spent more time playing spot the towers and walls, mom was getting bored. Not to mention the fact that the hotel we were staying at was on the other side of city…..
Chaos: Hike doesn’t seem to do what we did justice….. Metro would have been easier but what do I know… Oh wait I know more than everyone gives me credit for…. But don’t worry that’s coming…
Compass: From the walls we walked down to the Palacio Real De Madrid. This is a wonderful fantastic place of history. It was the site of the original Alcazar built by Emir Muhammad I. Over taken by the Christians it was the home of the Spainish Royals before a fire on Christmas Eve of 1734 left nothing but ash. Re built under the order of King Phillip V with the explicit direction that it be made of stone and brick. No wood…
Chaos: (giggles) That’s a bit hypocritical of the Catholic King don’t you think? Given that Spain was/is Roman Catholic, not just Christian.
Compass: Is that another day I just got?
Chaos: What are you talking about… Oh, I just heard it…. Get your mind out of the gutter Compass. I was talking about all the wood they used for all their different building projects, mainly weapons of “protection of the christian faith”
Compass: Nope, not doing that…. So now it was pushing to 1pm. Mom was getting hungry and reminded Heather that she had to eat. Finding a local place down the road away from the Palace we stopped and grabbed some Tapas.
Chaos: That is all we eat in Spain… Come to think of it, when we went to Portugal the following year we did the same thing only they call it something different in Portuguese, but like Compass will say that story will come. After having our fill of a spectacular variety of meats, cheeses and dates…. Figs… not sure it doesn't matter it was fantastic! Transport went to load the Temple location on her phone now that we had a Wi-Fi connection… but it is kinda hard when the battery is dead.
Compass: I told you to stop with all the pictures, it drains the battery. Worse on a cell phone that was already 5 years old and in desperate need of an upgrade.
Chaos: Whatever, I have pics… not many, but I have evidence dam it! Isn’t that what you always taught Transport, evidence is key….. While I teach her don’t LEAVE any evidence.. No wonder why she is coo-coo…
Compass: She is not coo-coo. She is ……. Heather…. Walking the line everyday of our life since we could stand…
Chaos: Oh are we going to tell the 666 story again!! We told it in the Boardroom but I don’t believe we ever told it here…
Compass: No, we don’t need to…
Chaos: Oh but we do…. Our mom, the very same in our memory here, used to check our heads for the mark of the beast!! (laughing) I fucking love this story!! Supposedly we would stand up in our crib and just silently stare into the darkness.. When mom would come and check on us we would be peering at her in the darkness with eyes as black as Nyx herself. Scaring the absolute holy spirit out of her, she would turn on the light and check our head for the sign of THE BEAST!!
Compass: And all these years later, you still get called that when Heather channels you fully…. I wish I could say that this story is not true and our own mother would not think that she bore the spawn of Satan…
Chaos: You’d be LYING…… because she half did or would that be the Goddess fault? Who are we blaming here? Why aren’t we just taking full accountability of stepping into what we were always accused of being? Isn’t that double jeopardy? Now we can do everything we were told we were when we actually weren’t?
Compass: (groans) Why…..
Chaos: Rhetorical. Translation, i am not going to get into this with you because really it is all the above and I can’t say that or else Chaos would be right so go with….. WHY…. that answer is getting old and while we are on the subject stop calling out the Goddess’. You wonder why they fuck with you, that is rhetorical.
Compass: After tapas, we tried to find the Temple using the Tourist Map that we had been carrying around in our adventure bag. Pro Vet Tips: 1. Always bring a small adventure bag that straps around your shoulder and wear the pouch in the front. Ladies, if you have a jacket, wear the jacket over the bag and lower to just blow your boobs. It will look like you are pregnant instead of a target for pickpockets or thieves. 2. Your adventure bag should be small easy to roll up inside another bag and use only for day trips. We put in our bag……..(pause)..... Sorry waiting for Chaos’s commentary…
Chaos: I’ve got tits, I’m not stupid. I would owe you a day… besides your doing better than I could assist anyway by pausing….. Thanks for giving my side of the Kin time to make their own internal jokes about what we stuff our bag with… Now would you like to set the record straight since you kicked down that barn door.
Compass: Well played Chaos….. Well played. So what we place in our adventure bag is nothing that if stolen is important, worth any value or we couldn’t do without. Such as: Tissues, hand sanitizer, pens, paper clips, toilet paper, a small notebook and some other things based on the need of the day.
Chaos: Not to be mistaken for our carpet bag which we also use as a multi-functional travel requirement. But I can’t listen to that right now after the whole adventure bag thing….. Let’s get to the good stuff please… this educational travel simply useful bullshit is killing me!!
Compass: Oh stop being so dramatic…
Chaos: Okay MOM….. Here we are outside the local tapas stop with no Wi-Fi, no blue dot and no way to take pictures…. Mom hands us her phone…(giggles).... I think it was still a flip phone….. We should just get her a dam jitterbug phone!! I mean we tried to teach her Whatsup, Facebook… I mean she was using her email to get onto the internet… Who does that!! It’s fucking two different pictures on the phone….. LITERALLY went back to symbols like cave paintings…….
Compass: (laughing) you sound like me at work!! Maybe I should let you take over at work and I take over this…
Chaos: FUCK NO!! It’s hard for me to wrap me head around the fact that YOU are the witch, the mean one, the one that doesn’t give a shit if you pay taxes or if you are the owner of a multi million dollar home…. I am having way too much fun watching everyone trying to rein you in but you know the R.I. General Laws better than most of them. It is a flying circus to behold.
Compass: No work talk, I can’t deal tomorrow July 1 is the end/new year and all the reports monthly and year end are due…. We are two days behind on permit reviews and call backs on voicemails, but only one day for emails … and the APRA’s are done before deadline, well…
Chaos: OH can we go there….
Compass: NO…. lets just stop. Without the blue dot to guide us, it was old school paper map that did NOT have the Temple on it…. I knew it was in a park…. A big park and down the road from the Palace….. So…
Chaos: in theory it should be right down the road… if we headed back the way we came from the Palace… instead we got turned around and headed in a completely different direction, making several missed turn detours along the way. We were in the general area, or so Compass had Heather thinking we were…. Reality was we had passed the Temple completely missing it because it was …. Da Da DAAAA…. On the left… When in Europe, always the left… like bugs bunny always left at Albuquerque.
Compass: A lesson of Chaos. Though not wrong, we did miss the Temple completely walking right by it…. All the way down and passed the Mueso de America. It wasn’t until I had Heather ask mom for her phone again to check the time… mom’s phone dead. Thankfully, Mom wears an actual digital watch saving the schedule. Which said 4pm… Okay it was time to pivot to now finding the hotel….
Chaos: This is great…… Compass has Transport pull out the paper to try to figure out where in Madrid is Transport and Mom…..(giggles).... After about 10 minutes of standing just off the sidewalk by a park, they gave up… We were OFF THE MAP Kin. This was my territory!!! As Mom and Compass started panic mode because now time and location were not on their side or so they thought… but they didn’t factor me in… We came up on a main road that I remembered was a major artery back into the center of the city….. Just not sure how far we follow or which way we go once we find how far.. But no sense in worrying about things that we haven’t come to yet…
Compass: For you…. For me and mom it was sheer worry about getting to the hotel on time for the Welcome Meeting.
Chaos: You act like it was a welcome dinner, this tour had a farewell dinner which meant that the Welcome is only an hour intro to the tour, the guide and the expectations of the tour flow. Not something that was a necessity, since we met the tour guide the day before coming back for our days outing he was meeting all his pre-night arrival people. So at the intersection to the major artery instincts took over, right…. Just walk….. We walked for what felt like 30 minutes but it was more like 10 and a site that I remember came into view…. Mueso de America. I saw that on the Tourist Map!! Now I had Transport stop take a bench that was along the road facing the museum with a park along the back and pull out the map. One quick scan, there it is….. Ok so we found us! Next, where is the hotel….. Not on this map and we didn’t circle it or take any information other than the name…. Okay…. The hotel was near no main attraction that I wanted to see, not helpful for this mission….
Compass: You faked the way we walked after you placed us on the map.
Chaos: I didn’t fake it…. If I don’t fake orgasims why would I fake anything else? …….. Not rhetorical if you want to answer….
Compass: I’m good thanks for asking…. So as Chaos has Heather walk in the direction that she thinks the hotel is in, mom is getting increasingly anxious and makes it verbally known now.
Chaos: The verbal wasn’t as bad as the energy pouring off of her….. So i took it… Mom wants us to ask for directions…. Anytime I can play international charades, I am all for it. Heading up a side road now back in the old city, you can tell by the architecture and the lay of the roads… Transport sees a man sweeping the front of a shop… I have her walk right and speak the very little Spainish she knows… Disciple, siento…. (excuse me, sorry) to start the conversation… the man smiles, got him…. Now to english, I had Transport asked him for directions to the hotel… the only words he got was the name of the hotel and looked at Transport shook his head to reply No entiendo…. I knew what that meant.. He has no clue what we are asking…. So charades it is… Transport said the name of the hotel, then I had her use her hands and arms to make the universal signals for walking then left or right…. Translation, directions.
Compass: It worked! Somehow, she knows just what gestures to use. It is a gift. He answered in Spainish…. DAM IT! I didn’t get to the left/right translation of Dulingo!!
Chaos: (laughing) Compass is having an internal meltdown trying to translate remembering our high school, college and dulingo Spanish lessons. Failing beautifully. So with only half of Transport paying attention to the actual physical gestures the man is making that go with the words that we can’t understand, I was left trying to remember how many lefts before we have to take a right then another left because of the roads… COMPASS SHUT THE FUCK UP, I can’t remember….
Compass: Ahhhhh…. I didn’t say anything?! You ok are you having a stroke, should I call 9-1-1
Chaos: I was re-living…. Apparently that is a trigger I didn’t know about, gonna have to work on that one. Thanking the man Transport went back to mom who was waiting a few doors down at the intersection.
Compass: When we got back did you have to tell mom that you only got a little bit of it… at least two lefts and a right….. But that is it.
Chaos: I was honest with her, it was all we got out of it… well what I got out… you didn’t get anything out it and Transport she got the memory. So back at the intersection, this would be the first left we take….. Where the second one was… that was anyone's guess…
Compass: After another 15 minutes of walking mom was like we should just take the subway…
Chaos: Great idea mom… only we don’t need to take it… we need to utilize it. Thank you! That is exactly how we are going to get to the hotel only not by riding it. We are going to use the stops that are marked on the map with the ones that we are walking by to figure out which way to go….
Compass: It was genius actually and impressive that you remembered the name of the stop near the hotel.
Chaos: And Everyone thinks that smoking weed kills brain cells…. Scare tactics. Ancient peoples have been using it for thousands of years just by different names.
Compass: With Chaos ingenious instinct to use the metro stops as a directional guide we were back at the hotel just before 5pm according our watch, enough time to shower and change before the meeting and finding dinner.
Chaos: Da Da DAAA…. Boy were we all wrong on this…. On our way up to our hotel room we ran into an older couple that was on the plane over with us. We met in Boston, they had a layover, and were on the same tour. They asked how our day was and if we were going to the Welcome meeting. We said yeah we just wanted to shower and change since we still had about an hour. That was when the expressions on their faces changed.. They looked at their cells phone and said it is almost 6 now… we looked a moms watch and said ours says 5pm. Mom had changed her watch upon landing to match her cell phone. (giggles) well her cell phone was off by an hour.
Compass: Thankfully, we ran into them on the elevator… we ended up going with them to the meeting and then out to dinner with them and a few others on the tour.
Chaos: That was a night of drinks for mom and me….. Good thing we know the way back to the hotel cause the others didn’t. In the dark, it was great leading a group of semi-intoxicated tourists back to the hotel.
Heather: Hello Kin, It's Heather I'm going to stop the voices here for today. I hope you all are enjoying my memories that I am ensuring I never forget and the connections that will always have a place in my heart. Now it's my favorite time, reflection. As always here are 6 things we hope you take away along with whatever else you got from this memory:
Having the ability to think outside the box, utilize what you have, is a skill that is mastered when plans fail and you are left to your own. What you do at that time, is the measure of who you are allowing yourself to be.
Family is dynamic... read the individual energy and don't rely too much on the words. Words can be manipulated, the energy will say more than words ever can.
Enforcing requirements only works when the full collective is built on a solid foundation
When the label you were given in the crib can’t be shaken, earned or imagined. If you're going to be seen as the beast or the spawn of Satan anyway, stop fighting it. Step fully into your Chaos, own the double jeopardy, and use that untamed energy as a shield to protect your own travel sovereignty and spirit. As long as you are not physically causing harm to others, that is a Hard Non-Negotiable (feelings don’t count we are talking physical & mental).
"Work-life balance"... that is all we hear. Does it really work? Be honest. No matter how hard you try, leaving work at work and personal at home works in theory—in reality, it is an epic fail that we humans refuse to accept. Work will leak into home, and home will be brought to work. It has been this way since we took our children with us to hunt and gather so they wouldn't be eaten when left alone in unprotected villages. It is an inherent instinct to protect family and your way of survival.
Universe University: This is the only school you will never graduate from. The only thing you can do is learn, utilize, adapt, and survive. If you're really lucky, you may get some unbelievable memories out of it. If you haven't figured it out yet or were just here for the laughs, this podcast is really about knowing yourself and your travel sovereignty. That happens when the plans turn to ash and the only thing left is your instincts.
After my ending on the last episode, I somehow have been directed to keep it to the KISS method… Keep It Simple Stupid… Hate my parents for teaching the voices. Chaos is not tolerating the mushy stuff anymore. I’ll leave it at thank you for listening and until next time. Here are the voices to say their farewells.
COMPASS (calm, professional tone) On that note… we hope you enjoyed this episode of CompassChaos13. Join us every Sunday at 1 p.m. Eastern, or 1300 hours for our fellow travelers in time zones unknown. Next stop: Greece, Again our most recent adventure there with Hubby and in this particular adventure you can bet we’ll be forging even more unforgettable, ultimately humiliating memories while missing local connections and experiences.
CHAOS (excited, playful) This is the HOLY SHIT GRAIL OF TRAVEL SOVEREIGNTY! Transport is the one causing total mayhem after we smoke some legal form of weed — and somehow, we still make it out alive, barely. But hey, the chaos? Always memorable.
COMPASS (mock patience): I told you I wasn’t having anything to do with putting this one to pen.
Chaos: I guess you should learn to play with matches then…
Compass: Listeners, help me out here — please engage with us. Share your travel tales, lessons, and even your “what-was-I-thinking” moments. Tell us where you found…..
Chaos: STOP!! We aren’t doing that… Keep your shit to yourself. We will go on talking about us because we have plenty of stories going back to 1995 and we have plans on the books for the next two years to make more!! Scotland, Portugal, Malta & Tunisia. I think we have them nailed down.. Maybe sneak in Romania…. So keep silent, we only need your ears and a finger. Use the middle one if you want to, in fact I encourage it.. Then you can take that finger…
COMPASS: CHAOS!!
CHAOS: put it right on the share as you post this and the finger to social media using the tag @compasschaos13 … Don’t forget the ONE .. THREE at the end kin.. Very important….if you want us to know what you're saying. If not, you can just talk ABOUT us not to us…. You love us or hate us, either way your talking baby.. Mauh!
COMPASS (cutting in, mock sigh) Put your Head Down on the desk Dam it! We are done. The show’s over. Kin, no matter what Chaos says we do want to hear from you. Tell us where you found connections. I, Compass, want to hear about it. (sound tired) I’m Compass — bringing the planned direction.
CHAOS (proudly): And I’m Chaos — bringing the unexpected!
Compass (in sync): Together, we make global connections.
HEATHER (narrator / flight attendant tone) Welcome back to the present. On behalf of your dueling hosts, Compass and Chaos, thank you for adventuring with CompassChaos13.
Before you stand, please make sure your pants are dry, your eyes are clear, and your snots are wiped — we don’t do refunds for emotional turbulence.
Some of what you heard today may sound unbelievable, but rest assured — it’s all true, and no one on this adventure is innocent.
For photos, travel tips and to read our blogs wander over towww.CompassChaos13.com.Thank you for connecting with us today. We hope YOUR layover in OUR world brought a little curiosity, a bit of laughter, and a lot of connection. YOU are TRULY APPRECIATED
This is CompassChaos13 — signing off.