CUBA: Vinelas Valley
COMPASS: (Calm, measured tone) Welcome to CompassChaos13, our very first full episode. Thanks for joining us for this wild ride. For this first story, we're diving into one of our most... memorable trips. To Cuba.
CHAOS: (Manic, gleeful energy) The focus is on the part where things went wrong. The goal is to be raw, blunt, and share the "wonderful shit show".
COMPASS: (Groans softly) The team is jumping right in. The plan was a short relaxing cruise, but it turned into an international incident waiting to happen...
The Docking in Havana
COMPASS: The adventure began with a four-day cruise and only two ports. Chaos, please describe the bus ride.
CHAOS: (Snickers) Up early, well fed, the narrator and Mom were on the deck for the docking into Havana... As the ship pulled in, the smell of diesel, rum, and trouble increased excitement. Then, it was down to the waiting area and onto the excursion bus with the rest of the herd...
COMPASS: (Sighs) ...the tour group.
CHAOS: Right, the tour group. The group was introduced to three gentlemen: a guide, an extra driver, and a security guard. We knew then that this wasn't just any tour. It was an invitation for the universe to mess with the group.
COMPASS: It was just a safety precaution to ensure everyone had a smooth and secure experience. And that is what happened, until the group went to Viñales Valley. There was a brief stop before the valley, where the narrator connected with a local woman selling handmade clothes from her own sheep. A local gentleman pointed out a 1500-year-old tree. It was a lovely, tranquil moment of global connection.
The History Lesson, MIB, and a Rum-Fueled Diversion
CHAOS: (Impatiently) The woman was making things out of wool, and that's it. The tree was old. Look, I speak enough Spanish to get into trouble, but not enough to care about wool or trees. That was the boring part.
COMPASS: The interesting part began when the group got back on the bus. The tour guide, who couldn't have been more than 25 years old, started telling a very sanitized version of history.
CHAOS: A sanitized version? It was a fairy tale!
COMPASS: The guide said that Fidel Castro was a kind, generous person who just opened the ports to allow anyone who wanted to leave to do so.
CHAOS: And that's when Mom's voice—the historian—overtook the voice of the tour guide. It was absolutely priceless. The look on that young man’s face! The chaos was beginning, just as desired.
CHAOS: In her infinite wisdom, Mom blurts out, "He opened the jails! I lived in Fort Lauderdale at the time; the U.S. got all his criminals!" She was trying to whisper. She was just... so angry.
COMPASS: She wasn’t entirely wrong. He did empty the jails and other institutions. But many were political prisoners seeking freedom, not just criminals. Mom’s passion for historical accuracy just... took over.
CHAOS: The guide's face was completely dumbfounded. But the real show was our two government agents—the extra driver and security guard. They were bald, wearing black suits and dark shades with slick kicks. As soon as Mom started talking, the guide put the mic down. The next thing you know, the shiny Men in Black squad is in front of us. I thought I saw ear-transmitters..
COMPASS: It was damn near close. She wasn’t exaggerating. Mom just kept going, explaining the history of the Mariel Boatlift as if she were lecturing a college class. The two agents were so far into their seats they looked like they had morphed with them. It was utterly mortifying.
CHAOS: Yeah, they were actively seeking foreign agents... and thanks to Mom's outburst, they now think they've found one!
The Rum Factory and the Tobacco Plantation
CHAOS: Next stop, a rum factory. Security was hovering. My mouth was not monitored. The factory? Dusty, maybe fake production, definitely a gift shop funnel. But hey — countries are different, who am I to judge?
COMPASS: Back on the bus, once again our new friends in front of us...
CHAOS: Mom, again, actively attempting to whisper, says, "Was it something I said?" Compass and I looked at each other and collectively, in a single voice, very sarcastically, said, "No, not you."
COMPASS: The rest of the way to the tobacco plantation was spent in silent reflection... Thankfully. They arrived at the tobacco plantation being led around by the son being groomed to take over the family business… It was beautiful. The rows of green leaves, the sun-drenched plantation, and the earthy scent of cured tobacco reminded them that travel is a feast for the senses. Even in a brief encounter, the world feels vast, alive, and a generous overload to those senses.
CHAOS: The best part was smoking a Cuban cigar and taking rum shots with the owner of the plantation inside the family’s home. We went from being cattle to packed sardines... but loved every minute of being in the small company room, with the whole family... We connected across languages and cultures. Mom? Observing, calculating, keeping them safe yet allowing me to bloom.
The Great Escape: Ox Carts and Horseback Freedom
COMPASS: We learned something profound in that little room: that most provinces in Cuba get only 7 hours of electricity every other day to cut gas consumption, and they have a grocery subsidiary that gives every person 1.5 lbs per week or 6-7 lbs of rice per month. It gave us something to reflect on...
CHAOS: Our 'gentleman agent friends'? Not in sight. Guess rum and cigars were beneath their pay grade. OR... they reported into headquarters... The atmosphere was too enjoyable to even pretend to care where they were up to...
Ranch Adventures
COMPASS: At the entrance to the ranch, an opening too narrow for the bus, the group was dropped off. Most passengers started walking up the driveway, but not everyone chose to walk.
Ox Cart Ride
Oxen hooked up to wooden carts and a ranch hand were seen nearby.
CHAOS: "YO MONTO?" The reply was "Sí." That was the start of an adventure. A cart full was arranged, and another ox and cart were also acquired. Riding on an oxen cart offered a unique Cuban experience.
COMPASS: It was a pleasant alternative to walking. The ride concluded at an open, covered sitting area with a long table prepared for everyone. The group eagerly anticipated a farm-fresh lunch.
Horseback Freedom
CHAOS: "I WANT IN." Approaching another ranch hand, the question "Yo Monto?" was asked again. 'Sí!' was the response. The rider mounted the horse and experienced a few minutes of bliss, cantering and galloping with a feeling of total freedom. The wind and the heavy breathing of the horse created a sense of unity.
CHAOS: The Universe decided I was getting too much freedom — cell phone flew out of my bra. Which made me hear Muffled screams……. Spinning the horse around for the phone…… There was Louisiana — a fellow cruiser — bouncing like a ping-pong ball on a horse behind me. Mortified ranch hands, a shocked Mom, an amused audience were running behind him…
COMPASS: Chaos in full throttle mode……. After jumping off the horse to pick up the cell phone, Louisiana’s horse came to a halt with a very pale and I am sure very sore Louisiana….. The poor out of breath ranch hand grabbed the horse from our fellow cruiser, and walked over to grab the horse from us……
CHAOS: That was not happening…….. Not knowing how to say dropped my phone….I did the only thing I could…. Jumped up and down, made the cell phone fly out of the bra again…..then picked it up…….
COMPASS: Another dazzling display of shocking charades by Chaos….the madness just doesn’t end people…… As Chaos wants to jump back on the horse to ride the boundaries of the ranch….. Mom, told us to walk the horse back to the covered patio…..
CHAOS: Because it was Louisiana's first time ever on a horse…the horse takes off after us…. We get penned….
COMPASS: You did….. We walked the horse as asked back to the patio area, in time for the aromas of today's lunch to fill our nostrils and grumble our stomach. I was very excited for this farm fresh experience……
CHAOS: FARM FRESH IS RIGHT!!! And our mom found out just how fresh after visiting the bathroom before eating……. (laughs manically)
COMPASS: Yeah……. Wasn’t sure if she was going to eat after what she saw……
CHAOS: She saw…… we saw it also…….remember I JUST HAD to see this……. And we did….nothing but feathers on the path to the outhouse……. Enough to make a comforter…..
COMPASS: (groans)...... The food was incredible, chicken and beef (which is only for tourists), rice & beans, cold corn salsa and open-fired root vegetables……emmmmmm, sorry
CHAOS: Wipe your mouth your drooling……. With a full stomach lunch was cleared and coffee was served with a side of entertainment……
COMPASS: It was meant to teach us about traditional local dance customs…while we enjoyed our coffee….
Reflection, Rumors, and Recaps
CHAOS: The best way to learn is to participate. The group became participants, twirling and swinging, almost losing lunch but keeping beaming smiles, and everyone else enjoyed the antics.
COMPASS: As we journeyed back to the ship, we sat in quiet reflection on all that had transpired in just six hours.
The Town Stop
CHAOS: There was another stop at a local town where they walked around the outside market, watched military vehicles drive up and down the roads, and ended up at the same bar as the driver and tour guide. Mom thought the tour guide wanted a U.S. visa because he was asking the narrator out for dinner that night. A setup was suspected.
COMPASS: STOP. No one needs to hear that or anyone’s opinion of the situation. It was flattering, but it was declined somewhat nicely thanks to Chaos who embarrassed the guy.
CHAOS: I HAD to know what type of man askes a woman out for a dinner date while on vacation with her mother and after advising they have a boyfriend at home! This is almost as bad as the boyfriend who cried to Mom after we came home from Amsterdam... Come on, two heads, no brains.
COMPASS: Hopefully, We will be invited back after this one!
CHAOS: It’s fine.
Heather's Recap
HEATHER: Ladies... Allow me to do the recap today.
Travel teaches humility, courage, and joy. It’s the little, sometimes major, unexpected moments:
Galloping across a sunlit ranch when you were only supposed to visit.
Sharing cigars with a tobacco farmer and his family, feeling the warmth of their pride in every laugh.
Or suspected espionage — because sarcasm and curiosity are a dangerous mix in some countries.
It is hoped that the memory was entertaining. The recap will be turned back over to the ladies for a quick so long...
Travel is all about embracing the unpredictable, forging connections, and discovering new experiences.
What’s the craziest thing that’s happened on your travels? Share your story with us in the comments below!
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